It’s almost the New Year– you might associate this with champagne, the ball dropping, maybe time to burn off the holiday cookies. I think of New Years Resolutions!
I usually love self-improvement schemes and to do lists, but this year, I’m trying a new approach. Sure, goals can be helpful, especially if you are trying to change something specific. But I was recently struck by Leo Bautista’s (author of Zen Habits) attempts to de-clutter his life, including getting rid of goals. He points out:
“Goals (wanting to improve) are not consistent with contentment (being happy with where you are).”
Eliminating them, he realized how unnecessary they actually are. He found he still accomplishes a lot, simply because he loves what he does. Not setting any specific goals feels exciting to me. I can listen more to what I want to do in the moment and trust that it take me where I want to go. There are still things I want to accomplish, but doing them can come when I pause and ask myself, “What do I want to do now?” Not “What should I be doing?”
Simply put, like Leo, I want to love what I do. The “shoulds” of New Years resolutions imply that there are things that I need to do— and need to make myself do. Instead, getting away from betterment, from the feeling that something needs to be fixed, feels liberating. Perhaps this is related to the stage of life I’m in– school has built in goals, so we get used to achieving, accomplishing and working towards something specific. We graduate and have to figure out our adult lives, and goals help us start to create the life we want. Now, I’m pretty content. While there are still plenty of things that could be better, there’s no hurry. I want to focus on what I do have and let improvement come gently.
In his TED talk, Shawn Achor describes that if you are happy, then you will be successful– rather than the other way around! If our ultimate goal is to be happy, which I think mostly means being present and open to what comes, then setting specific goals is unnecessary- and worse: sets you up for failure. This year, instead of resolutions, I’m letting go of the feeling that things need to be fixed. I’m going to focus on being happy with what is.
Here’s to 2014– Happy New Year!
Image: Ray Ewry of the USA in action during the standing high jump event, for which he won the gold medal.
Meredith Watts
Good for you, Steph. At twice your age, I have learned that happiness cannot be directly pursued. It is elusive. There used to be a saying, happiness is a bluebird who lights on your shoulder when you don’t expect it. (Or, something like that.) I found this quote, slightly edited, which resonates for me:
Happiness cannot be sought directly, it is a by product of love and service. Service is a law of our being. With love in your heart, there is always some service to other people. A life of personal agency and joy and satisfaction is built on love and service. Persons who hate or are selfish are going against the law of their own being. They are cuting themselves off from the world and other people. Even small acts of love and encouragement, of service and help, erase the rough places of life and help to make the path smooth. If we do these things, we cannot help having our share of happiness.
steph
Meredith– I love the analogy of happiness as a bird lighting on your shoulder! The best we can do is set ourselves up for having a place where the bird can land, but there is no guarantee that it will land at any given moment.
Rebecca Stevens
I always say – don’t should all over yourself. Happy New Year.